3 Sources Of Dispute For Newleyweds And How To Handle Them
So you've just got married? Congratulations! Expressing your love for your partner and making a commitment in front of your family and friends is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship. However, newlywed couples often overlook the sources of dispute that can arise early on in a marriage. To make sure you tackle these head-on, below are three common sources of tension in a new marriage and how to handle them:
For many newlywed couples, money is a major issue. Particularly if you haven't lived together for a lengthy period of time before marriage, financial issues can crop up as you and your partner become accustomed with life as husband as wife. This is perfectly normal; you've likely only been responsible for your own finances until now, so it's understandable that there will be difficulties adjusting to managing a joint income. However, it's how you handle these difficulties that will shape the formative years of your marriage.
First things first – you and your partner have to get your priorities straight. If you don't define your financial values early on in the marriage, things can go awry very quickly. To avoid this from happening, have an in-depth discussion with your partner about what they really care about spending money on most. Perhaps it's vacations, or perhaps it's weekend entertainment. Whatever it is, letting each other know what you value most will stop unnecessary bickering down the line.
It's also good to have a strategy for handling household bills. Usually, the fairest way to split bills is as a percentage of household income. If you make 65% of the household's joint income, then you pay 65% of the bills. Splitting these vital payments by percentage means that each partner is dealt a fair hand, ensuring that there are no disputes at the end of the month.
During the initial stages of your relationship, it's likely that each partner sacrificed a lot in order to spend time with the other. You probably weren't bothered how you spent your time as long as it was with each other. But whilst this is great for your relationship, many couples forget that this level of sacrifice must continue into marriage if the relationship is to stay healthy and strong.
Therefore, it's important to remember your partner's needs and desires when it comes to arranging your time together. If your partner loves to go to the theater but you can't fathom the thought of spending your Saturday night watching a play, you really need to assess your priorities. For newlywed couples, it's vitally important to accommodate each partner's needs when it comes to planning your free time together and apart. Balance is vitally important – one partner should never have complete control over arranging date nights as this can lead to resentment down the line.
Adding to the Family
Whilst you may not be thinking about having children during your honeymoon, it's inevitable that the topic will come up at some point over the next few years. This can be a difficult topic to discuss if you aren't prepared for it; each partner likely has a set idea in their mind about how they see the family developing in the future.
Therefore, it's important to discuss the topic of children early on in the marriage to ensure that each partner is aware of the other's wishes. If your partner's ideas aren't congruent with yours, take the time to understand their point of view and try to be flexible. Having a child is one of the biggest decisions you can make as a couple, so make sure it has been well thought in advance to avoid unnecessary stress on your marriage.
The most crucial thing to remember when discussing the topic of children is that you should never pressure your partner if they aren't ready. Whilst you may feel that the time is perfect, your partner may have other things on their mind that they want to deal with before bringing a child into the family. If you rush things, you run the risk of adding unnecessary stress to your relationship, which can cause cracks to form over time.
Addressing these problems early on in a relationship will give you the best chance of handling disputes down the line. However, if these disputes continue, then you may need couples counselling to get you back on the right track. Couples counselling shouldn't be seen as a tarnish on your relationship; rather, the fact that both partners are willing to put the effort in to set things straight is a testament to your bond. Therefore, if things are getting too much during your early years together, speak to a qualified couples counsellor about your options. Contact a company like Drake Counseling Services for more information.